For children to be able to trust and collaborate with adults on decisions that affect them, the adults they encounter need to hold a good view of children. Children often explain that they quickly notice how adults see and meet them. Authorities and public services should reflect on and define a shared view of children that guides and brings coherence to their work.
The values presented here reflect what groups of children in Norway have emphasised as necessary for participation to feel safe, real and meaningful.
Children have important experiences and know a great deal about what they need to feel well. This applies to all children, regardless of age, life situation and who they are. They are experts on how they experience their own lives, and on how decisions that affect their lives should be.
Politicians, bureaucrats, managers and professionals have responsibility for, and power over, decisions that are vital in children’s lives. The consequences of making the wrong decisions can be significant. Many children know a great deal about this, as they have to live with the consequences of decisions made about their lives. Adults therefore need the knowledge children have about how decisions that affect them can be as good as possible for them. When adults show that they need to know this, it can help children see themselves as valuable and important, and that it is worth sharing their knowledge.
When children share their views in decisions, they must be met by adults who want to understand and who want to take them seriously. Children notice whether adults have this view, or whether the adult has many opinions of their own or thinks that what the child says is not right or is an exaggeration. Children notice whether the adult is able to put aside their own thoughts and opinions about what the child shares. When children notice that adults want to understand, it can quickly build trust and make it possible for children to contribute.
Children need to notice that adults take what they say seriously by using their views to create change. This can influence what children choose to share. If children feel that the adult does not need to hear from them, or does not take what they say seriously, they may quickly withdraw or say “I don’t know”. If adults show through body language, tone of voice and words that what children say is important, children can understand that adults have a good view of children.
Most children do not want to stand out. Even in situations where they say or do bad or hurtful things, they want to be seen with kindness. If a child is spoken to in a harsh way, they may begin to give up the idea that they are like others. Children may start to believe that they are not normal or that they are not kind.
Children explain that adults need to have calm body language and speak kindly to children, even when children say or do something bad. Adults need to use words and sentences that make the child feel sure that the adult does not think they are hopeless, mean or bad, that the adult has not given up on them, or that everything is now ruined. Adults must speak with expectations in their voice and a tone that shows the child that they understand that the child did not intend to do something bad.
Difficult, painful or demanding feelings that children carry can be expressed in ways that may make adults irritated, angry, unsure or sad. Some children challenge adults by making noise, laughing, being restless or rude. In these situations, adults’ view of children can be strongly challenged, and it can become especially clear how adults think about children who challenge them.
Children notice when adults have a view of children that shows they understand that there are reasons why children do what they do. They understand that children do not want to be difficult, but in some situations are not able to do anything else. They understand that children do the best they can based on how they feel inside. This creates many opportunities to build safety and trust.
Some children try to protect themselves from trusting adults, or choose not to tell adults anything. They often have good reasons for this. They may carry painful experiences, have experienced that trust has been broken, and may not believe that adults want what is best for them. Adults cannot know which children feel this way. Adults who show that they understand this can make it easier for children to feel that they do not need to protect themselves.
When children notice that adults are engaged and genuinely listening, and that adults respond to what children share rather than acting “neutral”, it can become possible for children to trust that they can speak honestly to that adult. Safety determines trust. For children to be able to share their views honestly, they need to trust the adult who asks.
We welcome contributions that can strengthen how children are involved in decision-making.
This can include frameworks, guidance, tools, research, reports, or examples of practice.
If you are working on something relevant – or know of something that should be included – we would like to hear from you.
All submissions are reviewed before being published.
Please ensure that what you share is respectful and that you have permission to share any content, especially when it involves children.
